What’s Left of My Faith?

I was recently reading on a web forum called New Order Mormon. A thread there caused me to return my thoughts once again to faith. After recent my awakening and challenge of paradigm, I often wonder what I have left to believe in (my wife does too, with much sadness in her eyes). I want to attempt to lay out where my faith is at this point.

I believe that if there is a God, he is pretty disengaged with our lives. I don’t think he cares what we do with every minute, and I don’t think he micro-manages every action we take, what words and prayers we say or what we wear. Ordinances are an excellent mechanism to show that we mean to better ourselves as individuals, but I don’t think a loving God will require these outward actions to enter into a restful state after this life.

I believe we should make our own decisions, based on our own conscience, common sense and experience (and prejudices), because we will love ourselves more when we feel we are doing what we feel is “right”.

I believe that we should not be afraid of history and science in all its forms. What is currently believed to be “true” will change based on the knowledge we have about history and science. Truth will stand up to rigorous testing without fear.

I hope there was a historical Jesus. I know that the things he taught are useful and should be studied, along with the writings of other great minds in order to make us better humans. I am uncertain as to whether I believe that Jesus was the son of God, or just the conflation of some radical Jewish rabbi, John the Baptist, the Egyptian sun god and Zeus. I don’t know that it even matters. I need to live a good life as a positive role model and loving individual. The hereafter will take care of itself.

I believe Joseph Smith believed in the work he was doing. I don’t think that made his actions justified in many cases. He was not justified in embellishing his personal epiphany as a youth into a vision of deity. He was not justified in making claims that his personal writings sprang from the mouth of deity. He was not justified in flaunting the laws of the land in banking, land-owning or as a member of the government of Nauvoo. History shows that his death was precipitated by his own actions in breaking the law (although those who lynched him we equally not justified.)

Above all, I believe the purpose of this life is to discover. We should spend this life discovering new things and examining them in all their glory. We should evaluate and determine a discovery’s worth constantly. We should seek new understanding and never stop long enough to become stagnant in our knowledge and belief. We need to treat other people kindly and stand up for good morals. We need to learn to accept who and what we are in society and learn to love it. A diligent search for happiness and constant discovery IS the purpose of life.

I admit, there is not much left in my faith in God, Jesus or the Mormon church to sufficiently sustain the inflexible religious life required by them. However, my quest for happiness will make this life worth it as I try to iron out my rough edges and love my wife and family with all the energy that I have!