Apparently, wearing a colored shirt with no tie to church, REALLY disturbed my wife. I sent a signal in more ways than one that church is not where I want to be right now.
After our talk that Sunday, I mentioned that I am not being lazy and
that my actions are the result of deliberate decisions on my part. I
brought up that home teaching was another of those decisions.
Amazingly, she mentioned that I should at least inform the Elders’ Quorum President that I did not intend to do home teaching. So the following week, I resigned from home teaching!
My wife has been thinking this all over for a few weeks, and in the process has told her mom and one of our closest friends (also Mormon) about my heresy. It bugs her that I don’t want to be a straight arrow, that I’m done with being told when and how high to jump by the Mormons. It kind of bugged me that she felt the need to tell everyone. (Secretly, I wish I could tell everyone how deep it goes.)
Finally yesterday, she mentioned in passing that she is coming to terms with the fact that the high expectations she had about her future husband are just not going to happen. I feel a sense of the acceptance I have been craving. I feel a freedom.
Hopefully, the guilt trips won’t come next. I’m hoping the opposite, that she will wonder enough about why I feel like this to listen to some facts about the Mormon church. I just don’t know how it will go over, so I am really afraid to be honest about things that I know…
